PDA

View Full Version : He would have been 26 today



Wind_Danzer
01-10-2005, 12:43 PM
Sometimes I wonder how things would have been as he and I grew older together. As kids we fought like cats and dogs and when I say fought, it was bloody battles. We hated each other and couldn't stand to be around one another. He was the first to get into a relationship with someone, at the age of 12 and what I remember of it it was something that touched him deeply. He wasn't one to make good social relationships and was always teased as a child, much like me. I was quite jealous of him when he came home exclaiming while teasing at the same time, "Laura is my girlfriend! I have a girlfriend and you have no one!". He ran away with a bloody nose and I got grounded. :o

When the accident happened, it happened in front of my best friend's place. He and I were so close but after the accident, he and I stopped talking for over a year. Come to find out later that he blaimed himself even though it was his parents who hired the truck driver that parked in the road. My dad didn't see the dump truck due to the sun glare and hit it doing 40MPH. The rescue squad that showed up was the one I joined many years later, they did their job and did it well. He was life flighted to one of the best trauma hospitals at the time where he was kept alive for 3 weeks. Eventually his battered body just couldn't handle the trauma anymore. At 12 you would never expect your heart to beat at 150x a minute for 3 weeks straight. He would have never been the same again anyway. He suffered major head trauma and there wasn't much activity after the accident. All he really could do was squeeze your hand. My parents hoped the lack of activity was more due to the medically indused coma he had been put into but that train of thinking was squashed when the doctors told them 2 days before that he would never regain his thought processes. Basically he became a vegatable.

After my first ever track meet my Freshman year, my aunt and uncle took me down to meet my parents at the hospital. About 15 minutes after I arrived, his heart finally stopped beating. I was holding his hand, he squeeze it and then passed. It will be 14 years since that night on April 3rd. My life was effected by this by my mother blaiming me for his death and by my dad contemplating suicide. Since that time, my mother and I never had a decent relationship, not like I had a decent one before that.

To this day I still haven't cried. Not sure why really. Not sure why I feel like writing this out on a public forum to a bunch of strangers or people I have just met to read.

I do feel I owe Eric an explanation though as to why I was so quiet today on the ride back from Chandler. Now you know.

DsrtJeeper
01-10-2005, 01:38 PM
Sometimes I wonder how things would have been as he and I grew older together. As kids we fought like cats and dogs and when I say fought, it was bloody battles. We hated each other and couldn't stand to be around one another. He was the first to get into a relationship with someone, at the age of 12 and what I remember of it it was something that touched him deeply. He wasn't one to make good social relationships and was always teased as a child, much like me. I was quite jealous of him when he came home exclaiming while teasing at the same time, "Laura is my girlfriend! I have a girlfriend and you have no one!". He ran away with a bloody nose and I got grounded. :o

When the accident happened, it happened in front of my best friend's place. He and I were so close but after the accident, he and I stopped talking for over a year. Come to find out later that he blaimed himself even though it was his parents who hired the truck driver that parked in the road. My dad didn't see the dump truck due to the sun glare and hit it doing 40MPH. The rescue squad that showed up was the one I joined many years later, they did their job and did it well. He was life flighted to one of the best trauma hospitals at the time where he was kept alive for 3 weeks. Eventually his battered body just couldn't handle the trauma anymore. At 12 you would never expect your heart to beat at 150x a minute for 3 weeks straight. He would have never been the same again anyway. He suffered major head trauma and there wasn't much activity after the accident. All he really could do was squeeze your hand. My parents hoped the lack of activity was more due to the medically indused coma he had been put into but that train of thinking was squashed when the doctors told them 2 days before that he would never regain his thought processes. Basically he became a vegatable.

After my first ever track meet my Freshman year, my aunt and uncle took me down to meet my parents at the hospital. About 15 minutes after I arrived, his heart finally stopped beating. I was holding his hand, he squeeze it and then passed. It will be 14 years since that night on April 3rd. My life was effected by this by my mother blaiming me for his death and by my dad contemplating suicide. Since that time, my mother and I never had a decent relationship, not like I had a decent one before that.

To this day I still haven't cried. Not sure why really. Not sure why I feel like writing this out on a public forum to a bunch of strangers or people I have just met to read.

I do feel I owe Eric an explanation though as to why I was so quiet today on the ride back from Chandler. Now you know.

Jamie;
I wish you had said something to me this morning as that's what friends are for. :( I wish I could bring him back for you, but we know that isn't possible. I think this rainy weather is enough to bring anyone down on top of what you're going through. If you need to call or stop by; please do. Toni and I are hear for you. Have you called your Dad today? Maybe you should to console one another. Hopefully you will get home to visit soon. :) Cheer up! It sounds like you need to wheel. ;)

ArizonaJeeper
01-10-2005, 01:56 PM
Damn Jamie..sorry to hear..hang in there
John

Wind_Danzer
01-10-2005, 02:01 PM
Jamie;
I wish you had said something to me this morning as that's what friends are for. :( I wish I could bring him back for you, but we know that isn't possible. I think this rainy weather is enough to bring anyone down on top of what you're going through. If you need to call or stop by; please do. Toni and I are hear for you. Have you called your Dad today? Maybe you should to console one another. Hopefully you will get home to visit soon. :) Cheer up! It sounds like you need to wheel. ;)

My friends are my family now and if I do go home, it will be to see them as they are the ones I miss the most. I should have said something earlier but I didn't. Not sure why, maybe I didn't want to burden you with my thoughts today. There is so much more running through my head in general anymore that I'm 1/2 tempted to just take some time away from everyone, including you to try to straighten everything out.

You are right though, I need to wheel. Wheeling and working seems to be the only time I feel alive anymore. :(

Wind_Danzer
01-10-2005, 02:03 PM
Damn Jamie..sorry to hear..hang in there
John

Hey, one of the first Jeepers I ment in AZ. :D How ya feeling dude after that leg thing.

Yea, not many people know about this part of my life, I usually keep it pretty quiet but for some reason today I felt the need to post it.

k7mto
01-10-2005, 02:11 PM
Keep your chin up, Jamie. It's tough losing loved ones and as you likely know all too well, the greiving process is beneficial to allow you to get on with your own life. It's OK to cry and express your emotions. You will feel much better and can then focus on all the fun times you were able to enjoy during your time together.

Wind_Danzer
01-10-2005, 02:15 PM
Keep your chin up, Jamie. It's tough losing loved ones and as you likely know all too well, the greiving process is beneficial to allow you to get on with your own life. It's OK to cry and express your emotions. You will feel much better and can then focus on all the fun times you were able to enjoy during your time together.

Thanks.

I never said that I didn't think crying was not an ok thing to do, I just never have. I broke down in high School a few years later when my Grandma died but for some reason I never did in this instance.

ArizonaJeeper
01-10-2005, 02:26 PM
Hey, one of the first Jeepers I ment in AZ. :D How ya feeling dude after that leg thing.

Yea, not many people know about this part of my life, I usually keep it pretty quiet but for some reason today I felt the need to post it.

Well still on Coumadian but hopefully not too much longer...another BT next monday so time will tell....but the marks are getting lighter

Nice to get some things off your chest, and sometime better to wait until you are ready to do so.

Need to have you over to the house for dinner/see Derb..the Son of Gun talks like crazy now..but still says "Jeeps Rule" ;)

Give me a shout sometime and lets get together
John

Wind_Danzer
01-10-2005, 02:29 PM
Well still on Coumadian but hopefully not too much longer...another BT next monday so time will tell....but the marks are getting lighter

Nice to get some things off your chest, and sometime better to wait until you are ready to do so.

Need to have you over to the house for dinner/see Derb..the Son of Gun talks like crazy now..but still says "Jeeps Rule" ;)

Give me a shout sometime and lets get together
John

I'll keep you informed. It'd be nice to see the both of you again, oh and Kath. :p :) :D

ArizonaJeeper
01-10-2005, 02:36 PM
I'll keep you informed. It'd be nice to see the both of you again, oh and Kath. :p :) :D

LOL....For sure do...we are off the 51 and Greenway now so a bit closer for you ;) and Kath finally got me my compressor for Xmas..so time to get the CJ out and about again...well that and I might be getting another...74 5 w/a 304
J

jeepin_in_az
01-10-2005, 03:25 PM
Wow, you were pretty quite today. This might help to open up to a bunch of strangers, and a few friends on the board.

Keep you head up, and remember the good times.

Sedona Jeep School
01-11-2005, 07:22 AM
Keep your chin up, Jamie. It's tough losing loved ones and as you likely know all too well, the greiving process is beneficial to allow you to get on with your own life. It's OK to cry and express your emotions. You will feel much better and can then focus on all the fun times you were able to enjoy during your time together.
Well said, Matt.

WindDanzer, although we have never met, let me express my condolences. I think it takes a lot of courage to post what you did.

Everyone deals with loss at their own pace--I am close to someone who is just now dealing with the death of his mother, over 20 years after the occurrence. It can take a long time to build the strength to process such painful events. From the posts here, it seems that you have some great buddies to support you. Take care of yourself and happy trails ahead. :)

Antman
01-11-2005, 01:48 PM
My condolences and prayers for you Jamie. We all deal with these things sooner or later. The best way is to get on with life and pause now and then in rememberance. The older you get, the more you appreciate those who have passed.

Bill W