Hackle
09-16-2004, 05:49 PM
The Ant and the Grasshopper---
Old Version and Modern Version
OLD VERSION: > >The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. > >MORAL OF THE
STORY: Be responsible _____
MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm
and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show
up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of
the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America
is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of
such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the
Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when
they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages a
demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film
the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel
down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Tom Daschle & John Kerry
exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich
off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike
on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts
the "Economic Equ ity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the
beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a
proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary
gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit
against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The
ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing
up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him
because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
peaceful neighborhood. > >MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
Old Version and Modern Version
OLD VERSION: > >The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper
has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. > >MORAL OF THE
STORY: Be responsible _____
MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm
and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC, and ABC show
up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of
the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America
is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of
such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Kermit the
Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when
they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." Jesse Jackson stages a
demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film
the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel
down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake. Tom Daschle & John Kerry
exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich
off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike
on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts
the "Economic Equ ity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the
beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a
proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. Hillary
gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit
against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients. The
ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing
up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him
because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
peaceful neighborhood. > >MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican