funny joke

[BeaterXJ]

Flat Belly



A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad

bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried

about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.



The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"



The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes

I have to get on top of it and help flatten it."



"Your wasting your time," said the boy.



"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.



"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her

knees and blows it right back up."

[My Green Jeep]

:eek:

:::giggle:::

too funny!!!!

[lancetkenyon]

Roflmao

[tywilson88]

hahahahahahahahahahaha

[TRobertsRN]

Here is a similar one.

Dad and son walking in the park.

They come upon two dogs in the act.

Kid asks dad what the dogs are doing.

Dad is not ready for the birds and bees speech, so he says, "Son they are making a puppy".





Later that night,






Kid gets up for a glass of water.



Hears noise coming from his parents bedroom.



Door is open a little bit.



Kid sticks his head in and says, "No, No, Daddy, flip her over, I want a puppy".

[AZLugz]

Ok ok


Same story, boy peaks in but stands there and watches causes no one sees hi, dad starts really going wild and moaning, the boy yells from the door

"Hold on Mom, this is where the maid normally gets bucked off!"

[GRUNT]

Oh my! :D

[jperez]

1 up

Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her woo hoo.

He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."

A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"

She replies, "I lost it, honey."

A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"

Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!":eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

[Washington_XJ]

lol these are getting bad,

good one beater

[My Green Jeep]

:eek:

ROTFLMAO... and they are getting better :D

Too funny...

[My Green Jeep]

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.

He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

'I'm on the 7th hole,' she replied, 'and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole.'

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

'I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.'

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, 'Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?'

'I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh,' she replied.

'No, I won't.'

'Well, if you must know,' she answered, 'I work for Tampax.'

With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool.

'See,' she said. 'I knew you'd laugh!

'That's not what I'm laughing at,' he replied, 'I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you.'

[My Green Jeep]

Difference between Potential and Realistic

Potential?

A young boy went up to his father and asked him,

"Dad, what is the difference between 'Potentially' and 'Realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered,

"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?"

The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money
to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"

The girl replied, "Oh good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep
with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?"

"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks
would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his
dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The boy replied: "Yes. 'Potentially,' you and I are sitting on three
million dollars,

but 'realistically,' we're living with two hookers and a future
congressman.''

[My Green Jeep]

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like...

1. Men are like ..Laxatives . ... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ....Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ...Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds? .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms..... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like .........Lava Lamps ... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

[My Green Jeep]

Harley Davidson and God

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,
Arthur Davidson,
died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter
told Arthur, 'Since you've
been such a good man and your motorcycles have
changed the world, your
reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in
Heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then
said, 'I want to
hang out
with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to
God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you
were the one
who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle!'



Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in
inventing something
that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution,
and can't run without a
road?'



Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally
spoke,

'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'


God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to
professional, you have some
major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end
protrusion;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble
too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the
exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!'

'Hmmmm, you may have some good
points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'



God went to his Celestial super-computer, typed in
a few words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a
slip of paper and God
read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is
flawed,' God said to
Arthur,
'but according to these numbers, more men are
riding my invention
than yours.'

[Stomper]

Estate Planning

Dan knew he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died.

He decided that he needed to be with his dream woman to really enjoy it.

One evening he was at a singles bar where he spotted the most attractive woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a month or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit
20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

When it comes to Estate Planning, women are so much smarter than men.

[jperez]

Love the jokes!

wanna hear a great football joke????????:confused:


ok here it goes...... brace yourself!!!!:confused:



THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES!!!!!:eek::eek::eek::eek::D:D:D:D

[My Green Jeep]

An Asian lady was at the bank trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, 'Why it change 'Yesterday, I get two hundradolla fo yen. Today I get huner eighty Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'.
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.


:rolleyes:

:D