Elderly Relative Question

[1BLKJP]

Okay folks, I have kind of a dilemma. My girlfriend lives in SoCal, but one of her Aunts lives here. This aunt is pretty elderly, but refuses to move into an assisted living situation. She has also recently took a fall in her house. So naturally we are all concerned for her safety. However the fact being that I work 40-50 hours a week I can't get out there during the day to make sure she is okay and has everything she needs. I'm wondering if you all have ran into this situation with a family member and what course of action worked best for you. Also maybe if you all know any services in the valley that provide assistance to elderly people that live on their own? Or maybe even do any of you have any retired parents or selves that might be interested in making a little pocket cash by checking on a elderly woman and maybe assisting her with some of the things that she can't do any more?

This is just a feeler as we are all kind of at a loss for what to do since she doesn't want to move yet.

[jeepsonly]

My wife's grandparents live in a retirement village in Glendale where it's technically assisted-living but they only assist you if and at the level you need assistance. It's not a nursing home but more like an apartment or condo where someone checks in on you or is a phone call away. There is also a medical center and cafeteria on site so they don't have to cook if they don't want to. They initially were a little nervous about selling their home but now love the place and wish they had sold their home sooner and moved there.

Otherwise, be careful if she chooses to allow someone into her home as an assistant. Check references, of course.

Good luck. I bet you'll be able to find a compromise. I don't want to scare anyone but one thing she should consider is that a serious fall without someone to help her will probably force her into a nursing home of some sort. By choosing a safer option than her current situation she will probably have a great deal more freedom than when that choice has to be made for her due to injury.

One last thing is be gentle. I can't imagine what it must be like at this point in life and I'm sure she (like any of us) would have a stong sense of independence. And with any luck we'll all live long enough to experience this part of life as well.

[ryan rich]

u could suggest in home care my wife and a friend of ours were doing that and the ladys son put here in a home by him in ca if u need some one let me no:)

[Dragonfly]

There's plenty of home health agencies in the valley that already checked out their people, about $8/hr, just look in the yellow pages....also some health insurance covers this.....

Karen

[Sedona Jeep School]

My family has been experiencing this with several of my elderly relatives. It is a difficult and emotional time. Each person will react differently and need a varying amount of time to adjust the fact that things must change.

For my grandmother who had a stroke, we were able to arrange in-home care. She has lived in the same house for 60 years, so she was willing to give up driving, but not her home (and we didn't want her to). She is a very down-to-earth and practical woman, so it was just a matter of taking care of the business at hand. We received a referral from a family friend and cross-checked it with a trusted nurse.

My other grandmother suffers from early Alzheimer's and, for a time, she lived in an assisted living community, where someone looks in on them twice a day, their meals are provided, or they are welcome to cook for themselves if they choose. The social life there was better than mine--she went dancing, to movies, arts & crafts, group excursions to local attractions, had multiple boyfriends, etc. When she got around to needing full-time care, my uncle and aunt (retired nurse) took her to live with them. It took a while for everyone to get used to the idea at each step, but after a month or two of discussing it and mulling it over, everyone involved understood the benefit.

There is no easy answer, because, most of the time, everyone just wants it to be the way it was, which it can never be. Patience, empathy, and talking about it, without trying to gloss over the concerns or emotions of it seem to help everyone get through it, at least with my family.

Good luck :)

[blackeyedt]

Having just dealt with it for 3 different family members, hang in there, it's not easy, but it is do-able.. I went for full ALTCS thru AHCCCS with one advanced alzheimers patient and I have one living alone in her 80's... Best thing here is a medical pendant thru ADT Security that allows her to push a button to summon help from within about a 400 ft range of her house phone, about $35/month... Any questions, feelfree to ask or PM me... Good luck...

[rockwerks]

Okay folks, I have kind of a dilemma. My girlfriend lives in SoCal, but one of her Aunts lives here. This aunt is pretty elderly, but refuses to move into an assisted living situation. She has also recently took a fall in her house. So naturally we are all concerned for her safety. However the fact being that I work 40-50 hours a week I can't get out there during the day to make sure she is okay and has everything she needs. I'm wondering if you all have ran into this situation with a family member and what course of action worked best for you. Also maybe if you all know any services in the valley that provide assistance to elderly people that live on their own? Or maybe even do any of you have any retired parents or selves that might be interested in making a little pocket cash by checking on a elderly woman and maybe assisting her with some of the things that she can't do any more?

This is just a feeler as we are all kind of at a loss for what to do since she doesn't want to move yet.


Im with her, why the hell should she move for others convience!

they have neck worn moniters that all she needs to do is push a button and help is there. or you could buy her a cordless phone or cell she could keep on her person also, with speed dial for 911 and others

Is she feeble? does she have a hard time with decisions?

I think we tend to throw away our elderly. for our convience. mY granma stayed in her own house until just a few days before she died, she was over 90.

She had a nurse who made rounds and checkedon herrr twice a day, the state of idaho paid for it (medicare)

[My1stJeep]

You can email Wilikona@cox.net they are fellow members of the AZVJC, they deal with assisted living, in home care and out of home care as well as special needs children. I am sure they can recommend someone or know someone that could help out with whatever needs to be done to meet her needs.

[Jamie469]

As long as shes over 65, and is eligible for Social Security benefits she'll be automatically enrolled in the Medicare plan, and as someone said earlier Medicare DOES cover home health care as long as your definition of home health care matches Medicare's (maintaining, or restoring health; or for minimizing the effects of disability and illness, including terminal illness. In the Medicare Current Beneficiary Survey and Medicare claims and enrollment data, home health care refers to home visits by professionals including nurses, doctors, social workers, therapists, and home health aides.)

Not to mention, if she is a resident of your household, there is a good chance that you can write her off on your taxes as a dependent. A win/win situation.

[1BLKJP]

Thanks for all of the pointers folks. This is all new to me still being 29 I haven't had to deal with much of this type of thing as of yet.

Just fyi she is not completely incompitent. She is just getting up there in age. I believe she is between 87-89. She took a kind of bad fall a couple weeks ago. She has lived in AZ for 20 some years and has no itch to move back to CA with the rest of the family. She is a very independent person. We are just trying to come up with some options for her on how to help her get a long on her own still. While at the same time being safer than she is now.

A nursing home is not an option because there is absolutely no need for it. We were more thinking along the lines of the assisted living communities like someone else mentioned to where she had help if she needed it.

[tomfooshee]

There are some things to ask the person. Is she willing to have someone spend the day with her or live in a spare room? There are a lot of peoplr who do day care clean the house cook and assist with bathing if needed and administer medications. It;s hard to find a trustworthy person who won;t steal the belongings. When you go to JB;s restaurant they have magazines that are for senior living. They show home care's , nursing homes and people advertise for day care. Also check with Maricopa county and the state to see what programs she may be eligible for. The bad part is a lot of programs require them to not own anything or sign it over. there are some elderly people still in good shape needing a place to stay that can help also.
It's a very tough situation and demanding of one's time. There are bo days off. Good luck